My daughters are now both at university and I couldn’t be prouder. I’d still be proud if they didn’t go to uni. 

It’s hit me like a tonne of bricks this year that my job is done. What now? I’m sensing change. But all I ever wanted was to be a mum.

So far my life hasn’t panned out the way I expected. I didn’t expect to get divorced but having a husband that put himself first and wasn’t prepared to take responsibility for his fits of anger broke me. Shouting and yelling frightens me and eventually left me in a perpetual state of anxiety.

I deeply craved a loving family environment and when an old school friend turned up offering me that a few months after I split from my husband I jumped at the chance. This man I thought cared for and loved me and my girls happily whittled through the equity on both my houses. I believed it was all for our future. When I became so unwell after my divorce and a family breakdown, he encouraged me to give up my business. We decided to move to the other side of the city for a fresh start, and he decided to move on to somebody else. I was left with no family, too ill to work, and financially on my knees.

However despite that, here we are. I’ve never recovered financially. My ex husband has continued to bluster and fight mainly using finances these days to make things as difficult as possible but I’m here! I’ve rebuilt my business from scratch. I’ve a lot to be grateful for. Yet still, a residual sense of failure.

I failed to give my daughters the life I wanted to. Yet they’ve succeeded despite that.

The next chapter awaits! I’m moving into a season of contemplation. Detaching myself from the identities I placed on myself to bring me freedom. Real freedom to discover who I am.

Watch this space.