Real self care is reconnecting to the essence of who you are. It’s so easy to get lost in the expectations of society and other people especially in this internet and social media age. We are continually being told who we should be and what we should have in order to be a success and a worthy individual.
If you don’t know who you are or in other words you’ve forgotten who you are, it’s difficult to build deep, meaningful, authentic connections with others.
I find it very easy to forge a connection with others….its my job. But it’s a one way street. Someone I was in a romantic relationship with said to me once “we’re the same. We’ve been open and honest with each other.” It stuck with me as I thought, I’m not the same as you! I saw him as deeply flawed. I certainly hadn’t been open and honest for fear he would reject me. He obviously felt seen by me though. And I had morphed into a certain person that he would identify with. Self sacrifice.
So how do you reconnect with yourself?
Self-connection isn’t something to achieve, it’s a relationship that deepens with honesty, patience and time.
First start by asking some questions and answering them truly honestly. The answers don’t need to be elaborate or extensive. They also don’t all need to be answered.
What do I need right now that I’m not giving myself?
When in the past week did I feel most like myself?
Where in my life do I feel like I’m pretending?
What am I tired of carrying, even if I think I should?
What do I care deeply about, even if I don’t act on it yet.
Whose voice is loudest in my head, and is it actually mine?
What kind of person do I want to be when no one’s watching?
What emotions do I avoid the most?
What would I say if I could speak without fear of being misunderstood or punished?
What pain in me is asking to be witnessed, not fixed?
What do I give others that I rarely give to myself?
Who makes me feel safe and why?
What kind of connection am I actually craving beneath the surface?
Here are some of my answers:
When in the past week did I feel most like myself?
When I was making brownies for people I love.
Whose voice is loudest in my head, and is it actually mine?
The voice of condemnation telling me I’m a failure.
What emotions do I avoid the most?
Grief and vulnerability.
What do I give others that I rarely give to myself?
Forgiveness and gentleness.
What kind of connection am I actually craving beneath the surface?
Warmth, understanding, working things out together rather than being told, advised or left alone to figure it out.
It’s a start to re discovering yourself. You’re not broken! You’re whole. It’s a process of self discovery, of remembering who you were before you gave yourself away, and edited yourself to fit into the ideals of others.
We’re all a unique expression of love that’s never been seen before nor will it be seen again. More than ever the world needs to see the true beauty of who you are.
