Recently my daughter told me that my ex mother in law told her to “remember your mum rejected your dad”. An attempt to rewrite the past and justify his (in my opinion) unacceptable behaviour towards me. Very unfair I thought. And totally undermined my daughter’s own experience of a turbulent marriage.

Over the years I’ve questioned whether I did the right thing, but this is usually quickly followed by disrespectful behaviour towards me – a reminder that yes I did indeed do the right thing!

I ended my marriage as I’d become totally exhausted with an environment of shouting, yelling and condemnation, all designed to create white noise to keep me distracted from the fact I was married to someone who was only interested in meeting their own needs. It’s so sad. Over the years when I’ve requested support – financial, emotional or physical I’ve been met with that same white noise.

When we separated the tide turned on me and I eventually had a nervous breakdown.

It needn’t have been that way though. Had there been wisdom and maturity to support and listen to me, maybe we could have salvaged the wreck.

I was broken. I realise now I spent most of my time meeting everyone else’s needs at the expense of my health. I needed space, and warmth, to discover the truth of who I am aside from being a mother, a wife and all the other roles I played.

The truth of who I am is someone who deserves to be listened to. To have her needs met – if only by herself. To have rest. To be nurtured. To be loved.

It’s only now I understand the value I carry is not underpinned by what others think or say about me. It’s about knowing without question, I am created to love and be loved.

The white noise, the lies, the manipulation of the past…no longer affects me.

I can forgive, and love. I have that power. And that’s the beauty and true treasure of life.